Episode 302 - Newlyweds Season 3 Premiere Recap and Transcript
It’s night time at the Simpsons’ house and Jessica and Nick has a couple of friends over.
Jessica: “I have to go to the dentist I have like pounding headaches.”
Female Friend: “That’s retarded, go to the dentist.”
Jessica: “I know. I had six cavities before we got married and I still haven’t got them filled.”
Female Friend: “Jessica! Oh my god.”
Jessica: “I just get cavaties really easy.”
Nick: “You know what a root canal is right?”
Female Friend: “You freak!”
Jessica: “It’s in the root.”
Nick: “It’s torture. It starts out as a regular cavity but if you don’t get it taken care of it gets deeper and deeper and deeper.”
Jessica: “Yeah I know, I’ve waited for three years before”, crossing her arms tighter. “I hate teeth.”
Everyone laughs and the male friend says he hates teeth too.
Nick: “I’m with ya, I hate taking care of teeth too.”
Jessica: “I hate brushing them, I hate taking care of them. I hate going to the dentist.”
Female Friend: “Do you floss?”
Jessica: “No.”
There’s more laughter.
So, it’s time for Jessica to go to the dentist. She sighs in the waiting room. Cacee is with her, filling in her dental forms.
Jessica: “Ugh, I don’t want to be here. I hate it.”
Cacee: “What’s an indo…what’s an “odontest?”
Jessica: “I don’t know. I hate it because you get all dry and lalalala.”
The dentist comes in and asks how Jessica is and what’s going on with her teeth.
Jessica: “Oh I haven’t been here in a while and I was supposed to be here a long time ago and I have toothache and I think it’s lots of cavaties.”
Dentist: “All right, we got to make you floss more.”
Jessica: “I hate flossing. I hate it with a passion.”
The dentist gets everything ready and Jessica lies down on the chair. He sticks on some gloves and gets to work.
Jessica: “I hate this…..”
The dentist tells Jessica she waited way too long on this one and she needs a root canal.
Jessica gulps.
Jessica: “Well I’ve never had one.”
Dentist: “We can both say I was your first!” He laughs.
He cleans it out then will send her to a root canal specialist. She’s given gas to help with the pain.
After quite a while, she gets up.
Dentist: “No more sugar.”
Jessica: “Oh pfft.”
Back at the Simpson’s house, Jessica grabs some food out of the fridge for her and Cacee - it looks like trifle!! So much for listening to her dentist. Daisy looks on eagerly.
Jessica: “Her [Daisy’s] leg makes me laugh cos she’s like bowl-legged and when she sits…”
Cacee: “Bow-legged. What did you call it?”
Jessica: “I say bowl - in the shape of a bowl. I know but I’ve always said bowl.”
Cacee: “It’s bow, cos it’s in the shape of a bow.”
Jessica: “Well it’s shaped like a bowl too. I know it’s bow but I’ve always said bowl.”
Cacee laughs.
Nick comes in and asks how Jessica is, “I’m fine but I have to go back tomorrow.” He has a look where it is and then Daisy starts biting Jessica’s fingers. “Stop biting me” she says it a cute voice, then kisses Daisy. “That tastes weird huh?”
Jessica and Nick are watching something on their project.
Jessica: “Daisy! Daisy! Are you mad at me? I wish I could fall asleep as fast as a dog. Uh oh, 5, 4, 3… ooh I see somme new teeth coming in. I see it! Your teeth look better than mommy’s.” Nick doesn’t look impressed with her talking to the dog while he’s watching something.
It’s the next day and it’s really sunny out.
Jessica: “How could I have this frikken tooth that’s killing me I need a new.. ugh..”
Nick’s parents are over and he’s watching a game with his dad while Jessica and Nick’s mom talk.
Nick belches loudly while drinking beer.
Nick’s mom: “That you Nicholas.”
Nick: “Always a pleasure Mom. Always a pleasure.”
Jessica: “What did you create? You created a monster in my husband.”
Nick’s mom: “Excuse me but I wasn’t the one, you can blame Grandpa for that one.”
Jessica: “Baby I don’t know, what do you want to do for lunch?”
Nick: “Order pizza or we can grill out.”
Jessica: “We’re not giong to grill out.”
Nick: “You’re not going to grill out cos you never do.”
Jessica: “Well it’s all we do is grill out.”
Nick: “We got a grill. Hey that’s what I’ll do, make some conies, want some cheese conies?”
Jessica: “No, it sounds like an all round horrible day. Cheese conies and football?”
Nick: “I’ve asked you five times, what do you want? Baby let’s get something to eat.”
Jessica walks into the kitchen.
Jessica: “It says not recommended for microwaves. It’s going to take 40 minutes to defrost.”
Nick and his dad are talking football and completely ignore Jessica talking about the food.
Nick’s mom: “So are they expecting us to go serve them?”
Jessica: “I’m not, are you kidding me?”
Later on they eat but Nick’s still talking football, Jessica’s not interested and finds it disgusting that Nick’s eating with his fingers. He burps again and heads back to the game.
Jessica goes over to Daisy. “Hey Daisy, Shannon’s bringing over baby Cassidy to play with you today. Let’s annoy Daddy during the USC game. You are the biggest dork [Nick], look at him and his full on get up.”
Nick’s mom: “You gotta support your team Jess.”
Jessica: “You can support em without dressing like em. He’s a wannabe. Does your mom know you auditioned for the USC football team in his dance shoes?”
Nick: “Baby!”
Jessica: “I’m not talking to you, I’m talking to your mom.”
Nick: “Well you guys talk right here.”
Jessica: “What are you doing?”
Nick: “I’m going to go watch in the theatre room.”
Jessica: “No I’m going to the theatre room. Why are you being like that?”
Nick: “I don’t want to sit here and hear you ** in my ear all the time, I’m trying to watch the game.”
Nick’s mom: “Let’s go to the theatre room.”
Nick: “Yeah go watch Live Time or something.”
Jessica: “I don’t watch Live Time.”
Nick: “Then watch some Hugh Grant movie.”
Jessica: “I watch Hugh Grant, that’s for sure.”
The girls finally leave.
Jessica: “Screw you.”
Nick calls out after them, “Hey baby…”
Jessica: “I’m not talking to you. Surprised you let babies in the house while you’re watching the USC game.”
Nick: “Babies don’t talk trash in my ear to be annoying.”
Jessica: “If she listens to me I’ll tell her what to say.”
Nick: “Who?”
Jessica: “Cassidy.”
Later on their friends come over with their new baby and daughter Cassidy. Jessics talks to her about her pretty shoes and Nick’s looking agitated cos he’s still watching the game. Cassidy runs around making lots of noise. Jessica gets her to say Nick’s a dork. She finds a magazine and they look at pretty dresses in the maazine.
Jessica: “It sucks that I have to go back and see another dentist. What are we going to be for Halloween? Are you going to be three’s company? Cos if we are I need to look it up and figure out outfits.” Cacee and Jessica talk about the show.
Nick: “None of them were cute then.”
Jessica: “They were always in workout clothese for some reason.”
Nick: “I could be Kid Rock and you could be Pamela Anderson.”
Jessica: “Yeah Nick, I’m going to show up as Pamela Anderson.”
Nick: “You can be the maternal Pamela Anderson, like she’s going to a kids soccer game.”
Jessica: “No thanks.”
Cacee: “I’ve never had a good Halloween costume, ever.”
Jessica: “Oh I have.”
Cacee: “Never, I never have.”
Jessica: “I was a table.”
Cacee: “You were a table?”
Jessica: “We got a box, like a cardboard box and it has this cutout and then we laid this picnic table on it, glued it, hot dogs, we won that year.”
Nick: “I think three’s company is the funniest one to be honest with you.”
Cacee: “I’d have to get a black wig. Janet had huge boobs.”
Nick: “Now we really got to do some shopping.”
Cacee: “What did you just say?! Shut up! The only thing about Jack Tripper is that you have to act gay and you won’t really have a problem with that.”
The girls laugh and Nick looks unimpressed.
Jessica heads off to the dentist again while Nick decorates their gates and garden for Halloween. He’s also got battery-powered graves with scary laughs. There’s a little girl and her dad watching. Daisy finds it fascinating too. She starts barking back.
Jessica’s dentist introduces the specialist for the root canal. Her fists are clenched in anticipation. They discuss the tooth together. She gets a large injection and has gas too. He says that if the cavity got any bigger, she might have lost the tooth!
Kids come to their house for Halloween and get some candy, Nick has fun with flashing lights and trying to scare the kids. Daisy continues to bark at the kids.
They ask where Jessica is, Nick says she’s not home right now. “What about Ashley?” “She doesn’t live here sweetheart.” Finally, all his candy has gone. The rest of the kids look disappointed. As they’re leaving, Jessica drives in.
She screams at the scary noises.
Jessica: “That scared the ** out of me!”
Nick: “You’re the only one that jumped at that stupid thing!”
Back at the dentist again (!) Jessica has more stuff done. Nick says he told her she should have gone years ago. He says it’s a lesson to her and her kids one day that they need to go to the dentist. Finally it’s all done. She grabs a mint on the way back.
Jessica: “You have a missing tooth? Let me see that, now that’s going to bother me, ohhh ew! gross!”
Nick: “Shut up, you didn’t even know it was there even, you’ve known me for six years and you act like you’re so repulsed by it.”
Jessica: “That’s a big old missing tooth!”
Nick starts to explain about his tooth but Jessica’s busy on her phone.
Nick: “Can I interrupt you for one second and explain why I have a gap in my freaking mouth since you’re so distraught by it?”
We don’t hear the explanation, we just see them leaving the dentist. Jessica complains they’ve pushed her gum down.
Jessica: “Are you just saying yeah and not listening to me?”
Nick: “Yeah”.
Jessica: “Alright. Cool.”
Posted by Rachel at 2/4/2005 | 
February 4th, 2005 at 12:47 pm
Thanks
February 4th, 2005 at 2:32 pm
Thank you for that, I missed the episode last night and I was really disappointed!! Thank you again!!! Muah! XOXOXO!!!!
February 9th, 2005 at 8:15 am
to jessica and nick your the best in my life please come to ky and see me in ohio county thats were i live and also the of were i live in of ohio county thats beaver dam please come soon
March 6th, 2005 at 4:45 pm
At the beginning you mixed up female friend and Nick
March 25th, 2005 at 1:25 pm
Jess, Nick, next time you are in Ohio, come see me. I live in Delaware County in a town called westerville. Oh, by the way, u r great people. GO REDS!!!!!!
April 4th, 2005 at 5:30 pm
can you post some pictures of the dental work…6 fillings and root canal Jessica had done..close-ups intraoral?